Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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