its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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