I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
