She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
