Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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