This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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