I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
