I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
