She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
