i think my tv is drunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
