i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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