those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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