Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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