He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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