Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
