at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
