Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
