eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
