I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
