if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
