imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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