everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
