I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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