As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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