I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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