best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So. Much. Porn.
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