Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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