Just took my morning after pill in the library
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
