I bet he comes in French.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
