i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
