So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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