I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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