So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
