I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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