I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
