Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
