Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
