My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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