Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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