The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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