oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
