I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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