Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
