I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
