I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i would punch a child for taco bell
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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