Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
