I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
