i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
