He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
