Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
