My room smells like vodka and shame
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
